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A truth that will keep you sane as a spiritual leader: We have responsibility to people, not for people. Mark Waltz, in his book Lasting Impressions, does a nice job describing the difference:

• When I'm responsible to people, I understand they have a choice. When I'm responsible for people, I think I should decide for them.

• When I'm responsible to people, I know they must figure out their next step. When I'm responsible for people, I try to tell them what their next step is.

• When I'm responsible to people, I allow them to bear the brunt of the consequences for their own chosen actions. When I'm responsible for people, I assume the guilt, or worse the shame, for them.

• When I'm responsible to people, I engage in their journey, offering encouragement and teaching. When I'm responsible for people I try to direct their journey, never allowing them to wrestle, mess up or make a wrong turn.

• When I'm responsible to people, I talk to God on their behalf. When I'm responsible for people, I talk to people a lot on God's behalf.

One of the most basic boundaries we can maintain is our skin. I am responsible for everything inside my skin. You are responsible for everything inside your skin. It is a fundamental demarcation between "me" and "you." Sometimes pastors feel like they have to have all the answers, solve all the problems and make everything right...for everyone. If you are one of these, my heart goes out to you today. It is a very frustrating thing to feel responsible for the thoughts and actions of other people. It is quite liberating to know that I only have a responsibility to other people - to love them, to be honest with them, to be a friend and support. What's going on inside them is "all theirs."